Close Your Eyes and Pretend
by Jini
Summary: One day Aang would find an amazing girl, who did amazing things and led an extraordinary life as would fit his own, but that girl would not be her – it’d never be her. [Katara's thoughts after the drunk kiss in No One Else]


Summary: One day Aang would find an amazing girl, who did amazing things and led an extraordinary life as would fit his own, but that girl would not be her – it'd never be her.

Author's Note: This short drabble is a compilation of Katara's thoughts and feelings after Aang kissed her in No One Else… Considering NOE is purely in Aang's perspective, I thought it'd be nice if I wrote something from Katara's point of view of said events instead.

And yes, I know… I haven't updated the last chapter of **No One Else** yet (and I know many of you have been waiting for ages!), and I should therefore be punished tenfold for not doing so.

Well, I so have a reason, and it start's with the letter s. Yes, people, SCHOOL! Unfortunately, it's also senior year for me this year, meaning I'll be stuck under piles and piles of back-breaking homework until I can find the time to actually finish chapter four. It IS pretty long, but do not fear, it shall eventually be finished in due time. You just have to wait… for a little bit. It was a miracle how I managed to write this – but I thought you guys deserve at least SOMETHING for my lack of punctuality, and I really hope this will be enough to satisfy your Kataang deprivation! One-shots are really all I can write up at the moment.

Other than that, please read and enjoy!

---

**Close Your Eyes and Pretend**

Katara wasn't sure how long she lay there, staring up at that pale red ceiling and fluorescent light bulb with her heart still beating faster than it would if she'd been running a three day marathon. She just couldn't seem to rid of the events of this morning. Had they been real? Or had she'd only been dreaming? She brought a hand up to her face and tentatively brushed her lips.

She could still feel his lips pressing deeply against hers, his hands moving so gently across her face and into her hair. Simply thinking of that kiss made shivers run up her arms and her neck. He was truly the Avatar of his time. She knew Aang was already a skilled bender in all the elemental arts, and the many things he's done were yes, crazy, and sometimes made you want to kill yourself from such anticipation, but they were amazing! _He_ was amazing. She vaguely wondered if kissing was another hidden talent he hadn't told her about that he possessed. But then again…was he even aware of it for that matter?

It'd been the most remarkable kiss she'd ever felt … years of unspoken words made the passion all the more unordinary and she'd found her restraint shattering, found herself kissing him back with equal yearning…

…Or had that been all her?

She'd been so in love with him for years, even during the times she'd been convinced she loved another…

Maybe it was the build up, years of suppressed feelings finally bolting out all at once, causing this – whatever it was – to spur from that one precise moment… maybe the zeal of that second cropped up their close proximity, the kiss they shared – everything… and was only caused by her wanting desperately for him to love her back; a mere illusion of her desire taking shape only because _she_ wanted it to.

And maybe he did… maybe Aang did love her back… she'd never know. This morning, he'd been drunk, barging into her room and thinking it'd been his; barely could walk on two feet, let alone have the slightest inkling what in the world he was saying. She'd taken advantage of his state, despite her conscience telling her not to and that it would be unethical to do so… but still the _need_ to know what was going inside his head over-powered her need to just bring him to his room and leave.

She'd asked him if he loved her, felt her heart racing as she did… However, what if he didn't feel the same way? She had wondered. What if this whole thing would have been for nothing and she'd only wind up hearing an answer she may not even want to know? After all… the confessions of a drunken soul couldn't wholly tell you if what they spoke of was the truth… or just another figment of what you wanted them to say. Getting her hopes up would only lead to another moments of pain.

And it was only in the last minute that she'd gotten the jitters and finally backed out, but even so… he never gave her that chance. He told her he did love her, that he had been forever… but she was too preoccupied with this sudden feel of lightheadedness and excitement to notice he was coming closer and closer; the words: I love you echoing soundly in her ears and for the life of her she could scarcely believe it had happened. And for one small moment she felt as if her entire world halt, the only ones still living in it were only her and him.

Then he closed the last few inches that lay there between them and kissed her. The single sweetest kiss in the world; she'd thought her breath had been stolen the second his lips touched hers. It made her heart race; her mind all fuzzy and everything around her just fade away. However, as fast as that instant time of happiness was, it was faster for the guilt to overrun it, rushing at full speed to hit her silly across the face.

She realized what was happening; what they were doing and how _wrong_ it was. Not the kiss…no, the kiss felt right… more than right. It was her that was all wrong. A second too late she'd asked herself… what the hell was she doing? Aang was her best friend – _best friend_ for goodness sakes – and here she was, being a horrible person, and taking advantage of his condition!

She'd pulled away, feeling more horrible about herself than when she first felt the surge of jealousy at the sight of him being fondled by other women.

She'd pushed him back – way back and told him they needed to stop, that _he _needed to stop… she couldn't let alcohol fuel his reason to kiss her… or worse… think he actually loved her when maybe he didn't love her like that at all. It'd be just wrong… and this was _not_ how she wanted him to find out about how she felt.

So, as he fell asleep, she kissed him one last time… because she knew in the morning he wouldn't remember, this whole occurrence would be like a distant memory he had stored away in his pocket without even knowing he did; never to look again and remember. But _she'd_ remember, she'd always know. In nights like these she'd remember his touch, his words and his kiss… and in the morning it would all be unclear to her again, causing her to wonder if that had all been simply a dream or had she just made this whole thing up herself?

It'd hurt… parting from him. He had his arms wrapped around her, his hands touching the small of her back as his breath – which was mingled with his scent and the stench of beer – tickled her nose and her neck. He would mumble in his sleep, call out to her in the dark, and she'd allow for this small respite… allow him to draw her close to him and press his face into her hair.

She could have stayed like this with him forever… but she knew she couldn't. In just a few hours, he'd wake up and she doubted the sight of her in the same bed as him would fathom very well in his head. So she'd pried herself from his grip, tucked the covers up to his chin and quickly made her escape back to the safety of her own bed, only to find the rain of tears falling down her face.

And that was where she was now; in bed… looking up at the ceiling, tears finally dried and still with the traces of qualms of what had just happened. In a couple more hours she'd be up, dressed and her hair up high in its usual braid. She'd then stare at the mirror for a few minutes longer, simply regaining her bearings and being sure to put on her "face" before she left to meet Sokka and Aang.

She would watch the latter closely, watch his every move, his words and if there was even the slightest hint of change in his behavior. But of course, she'd see none. He'd look at her and smile that smile of his; the one she always loved but would never really see aimed directly at _her_. And because she had to, she'd smile right back, brightly and friendly, never revealing that the grin on her face was empty and broken – the light of her smile never reaching her eyes…

Each time she'd watch him go, it'd felt he was getting father from her and she couldn't keep up. Every time it was the same. How long will it be before he was finally out of reach? She'd once promised herself that she'd follow him to whatever lengths, to whatever dangers, to wherever he may need her… she'd be there – no matter what.

However, what happens in the end? The battle had been won and the war had ended with peace restored once again to the lands… but… what then, what now? Did he still need her? There was nothing she could possibly do anymore to help him. It was over. He'd be surrounded by a new crowd soon, discussing new peace treaties and attending exclusive and elegant parties with people of high status… there was certainly no place for someone like her in their world of riches and fame.

Aang was destined to lead an extraordinary life (he always had), do extraordinary things and _be_ around extraordinary people; she knew this was where the road would have to end some day… it was just a matter of _when_ and whether or not she was ready to accept it. But no matter if she wanted this or if she didn't, that wouldn't stop him from being taken away from her. After he'd enter this new world of his she would no longer be able to follow. She realized this now, despite how utterly painful it was for her to think about. Her love for him wouldn't change the path he still led… nor will it change her own.

She was merely a peasant girl from a local water tribe that had nothing glamorous or as equally extraordinary to offer; but knowing him, he'd gladly throw it all away, just for her. That was why she loved him so much; he never thought about himself, he was always thinking about others, about _her_. She wouldn't allow her selfishness to get the better of her; there was no way he could possibly turn down his duty for someone like her, he just couldn't, and not that those around him would ever permit him to do such an incredulous thing.

One day Aang would find an amazing girl, who did amazing things and led an extraordinary life as would fit his own, but that girl would not be her – it'd never be her. He was out of her reach…she didn't, in their eyes, deserve him. She was no body. It was only a constant reminder to her of why she could never have him.

And with this, she cried into her pillow again as her heart broke for what felt like the one millionth time that night.

Maybe if she closed her eyes she could still pretend… she could still go on dreaming…

* * *

A/N: Poor Katara… she really doesn't know, does she? Aside from that, I hoped you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading. Also, note again, that I'm really busy with school, so last update on NOE will have to wait. Sorry! 

**PS: **Look out for another one-shot coming up soon, entitled "Clouds of Silver Lining". It's Kataang again, only this time it's not so angsty.

Review please!


End file.
